(photo courtesy of Carl Morrison)

A torrential downpour soaked into the earth leaving the trail before us muddy, slippery, and difficult. Dismal would be the only word to describe this stretch. Tall, menacing trees towered overhead while sharp, slippery rocks jutted from the ground as if their only goal in life was to jest at us in our tired state of mind. I felt the exhaustion from the bottoms of my feet and my mind grew weary as I continued through the never-ending dreary, dark forests, for the gloom of the storm had wrapped herself around our way. Carl was ahead leading the way, his mustard shirt a bright symbol beckoning my weary legs to keep going. I finally could see a break in the gloom! The forest had ended and beautiful sunlight spreading itself over a grassy knoll greeted my tired eyes. As I began the climb up the knoll, I slowly began to take in this curious section. We were close…I could hear cars driving on a road nearby. To my left was an overgrown field guarded by a tall fence covered with bright green vines which crept up the innersides of the fence and spilled over its’ edges. To my right, a house or a parked car could be seen peeking through the great brush. Carl stopped and turned to point toward the fence. I looked and what I saw made me gasp. I shall not forget it. Had my feet not been in such a hurry for rest I would have stood shock still and drank in this glorious sight. It was like entering a painting or creeping in on someone’s secret oasis. Thick white clouds hovered over part of a mountain’s crest while misty ones crept in her long feminine fingers over the second ridge. The way the warm golden glow of evening sunlight glazed the scene left me breathless. What a lovely change of scenery after such a gloomy march through the forest! It was not long after that we merged from the trail to the road where our journey ended.

~

I chose to recount this part of my trail journal because I knew than and realize now that God would bring this picture…this perfect analogy, if you will…to mind again in a dynamic way as He often does with those who are open minded enough to listen.

I was sitting in a Beth Moore conference a week later when I recorded her saying to myself along with 94,000 other people, “We could just be at the threshold of a breakthrough when we are tempted to give up…REFUSE to accept hope-less in your vocabulary!”

This was me. I could see it so clearly. I was standing at a Y in the trail of my life. The white blazes were leading me on through the dark, gloomy forest and my mind was tired of these forests. I had allowed the gloom of storm’s aftermath to seap into my thoughts but there was a blue blazed trail (or was it pink?) that led to the right and it looked so much smoother, brighter, less painful. My desires were desperately trying to persuade me to abandon purpose and take to this cheery path as though in taking it, it would free my spirit at once. It was a painful wrestling to set one’s thoughts about from such a devision but it was this analogy which aided in unclouding my mind. For now I see that if I am to just stay the course I might come upon that grassy knoll with its breathless view yet.

...thats the slogan on my new T-shirt (thanks Martha...hee,hee).

I did it. all these years of sweat and tears, prayers and curses (yes, yes, I so humbly admit), friendships, projects, tests, failed tests, logging counseling hours and such....all of it led me down this academic path. a path i reminded myself often to not take for granted. wouldn't you know? I sat there graduation day amongst colleagues of mine and felt nothing short of gratefulness. it is a miracle i was given such an opportunity as education. it is a miracle i was able to walk so close to deadlines. it is a miracle i didn't give up long ago. it is a miracle that not only had i persevered through all the difficulties pressing in on me financially and academically but that i was able to pursue this degree despite the emotional toll strained relationships had on me. i could tell you story after story. the only thing that made sense was when my husband turned me two years ago and asked me, "have you ever wondered why getting your degree has been so hard? have you considered that maybe someone doesn't want you to get your degree?" spiritually, it made sense. but to see God redeem so much of my story (as a friend says often), to see how He reconciled so much of the hurt and frustration and how His grace trailed a path leading to that day was nothing short of humbled joy.

It is in mind's eye. I can't seem to rest my brain on much else. I surf the net trying to uncover more secrets, more "facts" about this mysterious place, this 33,000 miles of coastland state so far removed from our southern sphere of living. Though there are 650,000 residents of Alaska (according to the census, see alaska.com) occupying 570,374 square miles.

I have not seen it with physical eyes, nor walked its coasts, nor experienced its frigid winters (record low temps is -78 degree farenheit) but I know that I desire to.

I am not sure all that makes up a person, specifically, what parts were inherited from their father or their mother, what part is what we commonly refer to as "personality" and what part we owe to simply being a created being, but I know that some sort of conconction involving adventure, lofty ideals, and untamed bravery was put together causing me to crave seeking out the wildest places on earth; Causing high levels of longing to connect with nature and a determined mind so intent it would outlast my physical measure.

Considering the 650,000 souls who are currently braving the elements and amazing harshness of this large state, I confer that I am not alone in my wondering who else would go seeking the Northern Lights in such a distant land?

who else long to peak at the large white polar bears?

Unsure of how and when, I am happy to tell you that someday I will make it to Alaska and replace these borrowed photos with ones of my own and my tone from wistful thinking with experience and appreciation.

After all, my heart has always belonged among the mountains.

*photos are compliments of www.alaska.com